Sinning with my stepmother full7/29/2023 ![]() Hide-and-seek in the stepmother-stepchildren relationship often begins with a married father’s initial affair with a woman destined to later be his wife - more importantly, his children’s stepmother. Hide-and-seek may have been a fun game during our childhood, but it’s not so fun when we are grown-ups. Such disputes are neither uncommon nor easily resolved. Terrible things can occur here, among them the refusal to release “cremains” to children, or the refusal to provide a headstone or let anyone else provide a headstone for the decedent.Īt times, stepmothers hide all information about the burial, so family members have no idea where the remains of their loved one are located. Some stepmothers ignore the children’s requests and control the burial or cremation of the decedent. Where the father was first widowed and then remarried, issues like burial with his first wife will arise. Many times, my firm has seen conflicts over where the deceased’s body will end up. Stepmother disputes will frequently break out immediately upon a father’s death. Family members will discover these favors after the father’s death: not through open disclosure by a stepmother but more likely through records uncovered by stepchildren. Financial favors can include loans, free rent, cars and vacations. ![]() Wills, estate plans, transfers of property, and trusts that are hastily drawn up - with beneficiaries changed during a husband’s last days - practically guarantee estate litigation.Īlthough long-term marriages don’t necessarily provide a safe harbor against an estate challenge, such unions are more likely to have produced estate plans that balance the welfare of a father’s children with the welfare of his later spouse.įavored children of the stepmother can be particularly problematic.Ĭontinual behind-the-scenes efforts by a stepmother to advance the interests of her child over those of her husband’s biological child won’t escape the notice of other family members. While the decedent’s marriage may have been cut short by his death, his long-term estate plan may have been short-circuited by undue influence in the period before his passing. Short-term marriages present a perfect, brief incubation period for brewing a hot estate dispute. The trust and estate fights between stepchildren and their stepmothers may seem chaotic, but the facts giving rise to the disputes fit a few likely patterns. ![]() In my experience, the more heavily lopsided the estate distribution, the more likely there will be an inheritance battle. Often, stepmothers and stepchildren in contested estates neither see the same facts nor reach the same conclusions in interpreting the facts.Īn inevitable percentage of estates managed by a widowed stepmother with stepchildren heirs will end up as a battleground of hard-fought litigation over inheritance rights. Even when stepmothers and stepchildren try to develop a positive relationship, a successful outcome may prove elusive. Whether the reasons for estrangement are simple or complex, stepmothers’ relationships with their stepchildren are often problematic. Moreover, studies show abundant evidence that stepmothers and their stepchildren do not grow closer over time. To the extent that these widowed females and males have stepchildren, it is obvious that the number of surviving stepmothers heavily outweighs the number of surviving stepfathers.Īnyone living in the real world wouldn’t be surprised by research showing that only about 20% of adult stepchildren feel close to their stepmoms. Widowed females also far outnumber widowed males, 11.2 million to 2.9 million. ![]() A woman turning the same age today can expect to live, on average, until 86. A man reaching 65 today can expect to live, on average, until 84. To explain the stepmother phenomenon in estate disputes, let’s begin by noting there is a life expectancy gap in the United States between men and women. (To be fair, stepfathers are not immune to estate and probate disputes it’s just that the frequency of stepfather disputes is a fraction of stepmother disputes.) I suppose that such conflicts are ancient in origin and grounded in the personal motives of each to resist emotional, physical and financial encroachment by the other.
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